Lost AND Found

I’m never REALLY lost. I’m just temporarily unaware of EXACTLY where I am! (Thank God for Maps – it still works in foreign countries.) Today we arrived in the French Riviera, and thus far, it is every bit as glorious as its Italian counterpart. The colors… ooh la la! Just as beautiful as Portofino. I wish everyone could see precisely how beautiful it really looks. My iPhone camera just doesn’t compare to what my eyeballs are showing me!

Villefranche-Sur-Mer is a wonderful little port and it’s a great jumping off point to explore all of the French Riviera. Unfortunately, we only had one day and thus, seeing everything from Cannes to Monaco was out of the question. We decided on Monaco and were told by our guide that we made the right decision. (She obviously knew the perfect thing to say to an over-analyzer like me!) Monaco is mesmerizing. There are only 38,000 inhabitants and 1 in 3 are millionaires. Maybe this is where Millionaire Matchmaker finds all her clients. The casino in Monte Carlo is magnificent, with painted ceilings and chandeliers everywhere. It almost made me want to gamble. While in Monte Carlo, we ran into our Texan cattle ranchers as well as some of our newfound friends from the previous day's tour from hell. The world is small, and even smaller when you're on a cruise. Bumping into people you know is inevitable... even in Europe.

The highlight of the day for me was Eze. It’s a tiny medieval village on top of a hill, and trust me, the hills are STEEP. Wedge sandals were clearly not the right choice on a day like today. The thing that always gets me when I see these historic places is how old they are. Villages like Eze were there before America was, well, AMERICA. I was so enraptured with this charming site that we/I decided to leave our little tour group and stay in Eze a bit longer. Our guide told us how to take a bus back to Villefranche, and after waiting for almost an hour, the bus finally pulled in right outside the village. But that’s where everything wentkerflooey. Neither my mom nor I managed to tell the driver (who spoke perfect English by the way) where we were going. So, when we finally thought to ask him where Villefranche was, he opened the doors and said “It’s back that way.” Ummm, okay... How far is “back that way”, and where were we NOW??? Turns out, we were in Nice and it was a 45 minute walk back to the tender boat that would take us to our ship. I stubbornly didn’t want to ask for help and wandered around Nice for a bit trying to figure out where to go. “Neece is Nice” is supposedly what Americans say (sorry to all the Frenchies that are annoyed by us tourists) but I just wanted to get the hell out of dodge and get back to our port. No Neece-is-Nice for me today!

A policeman pointed toward a British couple who were headed to a taxi stand. My eyes followed the bouncing bow attached to the back of the woman’s hat as mom and I hustled after them as fast as we could. And as luck would have it, they were bound for our cruise ship too! But try getting a cab to pull over. It’s not easy, especially when you don’t speak the language. We finally managed to get someone to take pity on us and the four of us piled into a tiny car smaller than my Honda Fit! (Uber actually would’ve been cheaper, but I won’t get into that as the cab driver was less than enthused about his competitors.) Ten minutes later, we were back in port and happy to be headed back to the ship ON TIME.

I needed a drink after that fiasco and we ran into our newfound British friends in the Sunset Bar above our cabin. When we pointed to where our cabin was situated beneath the bar, they said, “Someone over there keeps hanging their laundry out on their deck.” Oh dear. I guess they saw my Victoria Secret Very Sexy bra drying off my lounge chair. I felt like a little old Italian lady who hangs her laundry on a clothesline attached to her fire escape. It just goes to show that you never know who’s watching you, even on a cruise ship. At least if I ever get lost on the ship, I won’t need to consult my Maps app. All I’ll need to do is lean over the railing and look for my undergarments. Ah, home, sweet home!

Au revoir!

Sometimes It’s The Company You Keep That Keeps You Going

That’s the theme of today. It was a day that started out like most days on a cruise. You gear up for whatever tour you’re doing, meet your group and your guide and off you go! Only problem is, this tour just never got off the ground. Oh, we went places. Where, I couldn’t tell ya. But the motley crew of travelers along for the ride made this a day to remember.

We started in Portofino which is lovely to behold. The colors are just incredible and can’t be properly captured in a photograph. You’ll have to visit for yourself and see it with your own eyes. And oh, the dogs... so many dogs, including one who rolled over on her back in the middle of a bakery so I could scratch her belly! After Portofino, we hopped aboard a boat that was taking us to see the “Three Pearls”. The Three Pearls of what, you ask? How the hell should I know? My tour guide sure didn’t tell me, and I guess I’ll have to Google it to find out. To put it bluntly, our tour guide stunk like a bag of dirty laundry left all summer in the hot trunk of a car. Yeah, she was THAT bad. At one point a person asked our guide what the origin of the town was, and she replied, “I don’t understand the question.” I’m sure she didn’t. The feeling was mutual. Half the time I couldn’t understand what she was trying to say. After a while, it was just easier to tune her out and simply enjoy the pretty scenery.

When we stopped for lunch, they offered us some potato chips and croissants as a snack. WHAT??? If I want potato chips, I’ll just buy them at the Trade Fair down the street from my apartment in Astoria, Queens, thank you very much. During our “lunch” break (and I use that word loosely), I discovered that I was not the only one who felt our tour guide was the pits. The entire group unanimously thought we should cram ourselves onto one of the other tour busses and leave our guide in the dust.

As much as I can be opinionated (as we all know), on vacation I try to play it cool and not let things get me down. But hey, I was with a bunch of New Yorkers from Staten Island (one of whom was the "Can you be serious" shouter from Bingo), Brooklyn and Long Island and their energetic spirit really lit a fire under my you-know-what. I decided to confront our guide. I was diplomatic (seriously!), but I let her know my disappointment in the tour and how everyone joined in my sentiments but didn’t have the guts to say anything. Maybe it’s because I’m the child of two teachers, but I feel like it’s important to learn when you go somewhere new and at that point in the tour, I didn’t even know the name of the town I was in! Someone heard me talking to our guide and came over to back me up. When everyone found out what I had done, they were metaphorically high fiving me. Truth be told, I felt kinda bad, but the guide thanked me for telling her how I felt. Meanwhile my tour companions were planning a group stampede of the shore excursions desk to demand a refund!

As much as this sounds negative, it was actually the opposite. It brought a group of very different people together, who bonded over our lack of a tour and had fun with one another in spite of it. In fact, Frank and Angela from Staten Island want us all to meet in the “Martini Bar” later tonight so it could be an interesting evening if it all comes to pass.

However, complaining about what you want (or didn’t get) can be a double-edged sword. Speaking of which, I’ve been wondering why I haven’t had any towel animals in my cabin this trip. I admit that I look forward to coming home every night to see what towel animal will be sitting on my bed. It could be an elephant, a dog, a sting ray...  anyone who’s cruised before knows what I’m talking about. On one cruise, I discovered a towel bat hanging from my ceiling and it was so amazing! When I asked my cabin steward tonight why there are no towel animals, he shamefully mumbled, “Oh, we used to do it, but now we don’t.” “Okay, but why?” I asked. "Well," he continued, "someone complained to corporate because the towel animal in their room bothered them." BOTHERED THEM? How? In what way? What could possibly be offensive about a towel animal???  Was it phallic? Inquiring minds want to know – or maybe it’s just MY inquiring mind.

I think the point I’m trying to make is perhaps complaining is like a pay-it-forward situation in reverse. Maybe my lack of towel animals is karmic retribution for letting my tour guide know exactly what I thought. Or maybe it’s the glass of wine I just drank. Or maybe I just need to eat some dinner. Perhaps I simply need to learn how make my own towel animals.

Ciao!

B-I-N-G-O, Bingo Was NOT Our Name-O

So today was what cruise lines like to call a “fun day at sea”. And for me, it is fun. Mostly because I have to relax – there’s nowhere to go and nowhere I need to be. I can sit down (something I don’t do often enough) and just relax with a nice cocktail in hand. (I’ve already had two and it’s not even dinner time yet.)

There are always activities to be found throughout the ship, especially on a day at sea, but I had only one activity on my mind. BINGO. When the time came, I was ready, willing AND able, with my mom at my side. As we purchased our tickets, the $20,000 grand prize seemed like a real possibility (or so we hoped). Also there were two separate couples we had met over the past couple of days, who were all from Texas. I do love my Texans. The six of us laid out our boards, eager to do battle against the other passengers and each other. People get seriously competitive at these games once it comes down to the final round and the $20,000 grand prize is at stake. One person bellowed “Can you go slower” at the emcee while another yelled, “Can you go faster?” Someone else (who later became my fellow NY bestie) shouted, “Can you be serious?” Jeez, tough crowd. Everyone was clearly keen to get their paws on that 20,000 bucks, myself included. But alas, it was not meant to be. Twelve game cards between my mom and I, and not ONE of them was a winner. Our companions didn’t fare any better, nor did any of the other players. At least my mom won a beach towel. I guess we’ll have to see what happens at the next day at sea. Maybe the $20,000 prize will be doubled and I can really hit the jackpot!

Other than doing a crossword puzzle together (and cheating terribly), my mom and I did  a whole lot of nothing today, which suits the both of us just fine. Despite our lack of activity, we still managed to walk two miles according to the Health app in our iPhones. I don’t see how that’s possible, but at least it makes me feel better about skipping my workout today. The highlight of the day was seeing dolphins leaping out of the water off the side of the ship. Which side, I do not know. I am a nautical nimwit. Who knew there were dolphins out here? I sure didn’t. I instantly felt shame for mercilessly laughing at my mom yesterday when she asked two people from Australia where all the dolphins were. A mother always knows, after all, even when it comes to the location of mammals.

Tonight the dress code is apparently “Evening Chic”. Is this some new level of fashion that was created by cruise ships to mess with our heads and make us wonder if we are over OR under dressed? I feel like it’s the first day of elementary school and I don’t want to be ridiculed by wearing the wrong thing to class. Here’s what they say about it in the daily pamphlet that’s left in our room each morning: “While dressier than Smart Casual, Evening Chic is intended to be less dressy than Formal Attire.” What the hell does that mean? I’m just gonna throw on a black dress and call it a day… or evening, as the case may be.

And now there’s nothing left to do except admire the sunset from my lounge chair on my beautiful balcony. I can think of worse ways to end my day!

One If By Land, Two If By Sea

That pretty much sums up my mom’s feelings on hiking. Meaning, it ain’t happening. Ever. But it’s okay. I hiked Cinque Terre in the ‘90s and the thought of taking a break from strenuous activity and seeing these colorful villages by sea appealed to even me. (Especially since I fell through a hidden hole and dropped six feet during my original hike.) Sometimes you just need to sit back and enjoy the ride… know what I mean?

The day was almost a disaster. We woke to discover our excursion with an outside company to these lovely lands had been canceled at the last minute. We rushed to the shore excursion desk, barely out of the shower, and luckily our cruise line had a similar tour leaving, like, IMMEDIATELY. It was time to “throw my ta-ta’s in a bra” and jump on the bus before it left without us!

On the ride to this magnificent place we passed Carrara, known for it’s “marble mountains” and yes, it’s REAL marble used to build, among other things, the Pantheon in Rome. We first stopped in Porto Venere, which is not part of Cinque Terre, but it has the best pesto sauce I’ve ever tasted. Apparently this region of Italy is where pesto comes from. I just wanted to take a bath in it. Yum. It was a charming pit stop and before we left, my mom and I met an Italian couple who are getting married in Central Park of all places in October. They asked if I knew any restaurants to have dinner at after their ceremony. Is anyone the least bit curious if I recommended anywhere in particular? Hmmm. One thing is certain, I gave their adorable border collie a huge hug before heading off to our boat, bound for Cinque Terre.

Cinque Terre literally translates to “five lands”. It is part of the Italian Riviera and is absolutely glorious. I haven’t seen the French Riviera yet, but if it’s anything like this, then all I can say is “Ooo la la"! (Or should it be "Ay, dios mio"?) Hiking the five villages is one of my fondest memories of all my travels in Europe, so I was very excited for my mom to experience it too. Well, Cinque Terre was as beautiful as I remembered. Sadly, it’s gotten more touristy over the years. When I hiked through the villages, it was like this undiscovered gem for Americans like myself. In fact, Cinque Terre barely took up a paragraph in my Lonely Planet travel guide at the time, and it was pure luck that I found it. Now, information about the place is everywhere and thus, the crowds and tourist shops have moved in. Tourism can be such a blessing and a curse.

We met some lovely people throughout the day, though I could’ve done without the bald guy that seemed to be my very own “Where’s Waldo?” in all my photos. C'est la vie. My favorite people of the day were a couple from Texas. I do love my Texans! They are cattle ranchers and the husband is also a physicist. Mutually exclusive? Guess not. I also learned as a cattle rancher, you should never name your cows, and I’ll just leave it at that. (I'm sure you can imagine the reason behind that.)

On the way back to port, it was funny listening to some people on the bus talking about food, in accents reminiscent of Daphne Moon from "Frasier". Insert Manchester accent: “Is it chili hot or is it garlic hot, because I don’t like garlic hot.” Maybe it’s because I work in a restaurant, but hearing that made me giggle.

Dinner time is rapidly approaching so it’s time to get ready. And when it comes to MY food, I prefer garlic hot to chili hot, FYI. Bon appetite to you all!

When You’re In A Suite, You Have To Act Classy

So our 24 hours in Rome were delightful. We had a wonderful dinner last night where we met a mother/son duo from Verona (that’s Romeo & Juliet territory) sitting next to us who graciously offered me a taste of their spaghetti carbonara. (And yes, I happily accepted… it was delish.) Check out the photo of our generous dinner neighbors if you’re so inclined. Interesting thing about service in Italy… it can be non-existent. We had to find someone to pay our bill (as did several other diners) since our waiter was nowhere to be found and we would never dine and dash! My little server heart shattered in a million pieces at the lack of gracious hospitality. At least the food was good. Of course, no meal involving wine would be complete without me doing my famous “smile and fade”. Thank you, mom, for getting us in a cab home before I fell headfirst onto our table. Jet lag is real, people!

This morning, before departing for the ship, we wandered around Rome and visited the Bocca Della Verita. (Mouth of Truth). It’s a 2800 pound disc made famous by the Audrey Hepburn movie “Roman Holiday”. Myth says that if you stick your hand in its mouth and say something untruthful, your hand will be bitten off. Luckily my mom and I have the worst poker faces known to man and don’t fib. As my acting teacher always says, “Don’t lie. You’re just going to get caught.” (Thank you, Matt, for helping me keep my extremities attached to my body!)

Too soon it was time to depart for the ship, but we were eager with anticipation to see our home for the next 11 days. For those that don’t know, we placed a bid to be upgraded to a larger cabin. We were hoping for a balcony, but as a joke, I placed a bid on a suite, never dreaming it would ever come to fruition. Voila! Our bid was accepted and we were upgraded to a “Family Veranda Suite”. The cabin is enormous and our balcony could host quite a nice soirée. (Something to consider for our days at sea.)

But the thing we are discovering is when you are in a suite, you feel like a VIP. We had our own line at check-in, a separate dining room and closet/storage space that puts my apartment to shame. I don’t know if gals like us are fancy enough for this kind of treatment, but I will happily take the larger balcony to dry my bathing suits!

One thing that made me laugh… they are playing the film “Overboard” in our cabins. Is that not tempting fate? I plan on keeping my feet planted firmly on deck, I promise!

Bon voyage!

When In Rome... You Drink Prosecco, Duh!!!

Why yes, that IS a condom dispenser, but I'll get to that later. So here it is… the first official day of our annual mother/daughter getaway. Besides half of my suitcase being drenched by rainwater that may or may not be toxic, it was a nice beginning to our European adventure. We only have one day in Rome since we sail out on our cruise tomorrow, so we tried to revisit some of our favorite spots and fill in the blanks on things we missed out on last year. And as it turned out, we didn’t do anything new… YET. (There’s still tomorrow morning!)

I had to make a stop at the shoe store where I bought the most amazing wedge sandals last summer.  That said, finding the place took some detective work on my part (which amounted to calling my mom’s credit cards in advance of the trip to see what the heck the name of this store was). I held my iPhone while following the directions on my Maps app (and looking like a silly tourist in the process), and miraculously found my shoe store. This year, in case you’re interested, I found a lovely pair of blue wedge sandals I will probably wear to dinner tonight. Don’t you remember when you were a little kid and you couldn’t wait to wear the new pair of shoes your mom bought for you? Well, apparently nothing has changed. My mom bought my shoes and I’m still excited to wear them! (I know. Get a life.)

We had to make a pit stop at the glorious Trevi Fountain while we were out and about. When we told someone we were throwing coins in the fountain and wishing for “world peace”, the person laughed at us. Was that sarcasm, disbelief, or a combination of both? Does it even matter? I think I need some more prosecco while I ruminate.

We also saw Piazza Navona, Castle San Angelo, the interior of the dome of the Pantheon (biggest self-supporting dome in the world apparently) and were accosted by someone trying to sell us a selfie stick. One guess as to whether you think I purchased one or not :) On the way back to our B&B, I couldn't help snapping that photo of the condom machine. It was attached to the side of a building and I remembered seeing it last year. Okay, I admit I went looking for the condom machine to make sure it was still there. I’m certainly glad to know safe sex is important worldwide!

We are so bleary eyed from our travels that it’s hard to express what I’m feeling at the moment. But if I had to put it in one word, it would be JOY. It’s good to be back in Rome. And at the same bed and breakfast with the amazing rooftop from last summer. Sigh, the views of the city up here are incredible. Check out the photos and see for yourself.

Now it’s time to get ready for dinner. Anyone for pasta? Yes, please!

Buona notte!

It Doesn’t Matter Whether You Win Or Lose, It’s How You Play The Game

Does anyone actually believe that? I do… most of the time. When my acting teacher once said in class how actors and athletes were similar, I thought to myself “Watcha talkin’ about, Matt?” I mean, I DO love a good sports film, but seriously? He proceeded to say that actors love watching athletes who battle, and against all odds, emerge victorious. So true. Nothing makes me blubber like a baby more than when the team no one believed in… the team everyone said was a bunch of losers… the team everyone mocked and said was on the road to nowheresville triumphs over all obstacles. It’s no different for me with real-life sporting events. When I recently watched the Minnesota Vikings’ Stefan Diggs score a touchdown in the last ten seconds of the playoff game against the Saints, I wept like a little school girl. For days after, I watched those final moments over and over on YouTube, and I cried every single time. Didn’t see it? Feel free to watch it here and tell me if you don’t get a tad emotional: https://youtu.be/NwqAeMlsYmU  My teacher was right. Actors relate to the struggle. Just like athletes, actors want to be heroes. We want to come out victorious, despite all the rejections and obstacles we face on a daily basis. And if Stefan Diggs can do that in TEN SECONDS, it means there’s hope for the rest of us too. But what about that quote? Does it NOT matter if you win or lose?

I think back to the ABC Wide World of Sports slogan said so beautifully by Jim McKay: “The thrill of victory; the agony of defeat.” Certainly the Vikings ultimate loss to the Eagles in their final playoff game reminds me of agony… a painful, slow, torturing agony. But the agony of defeat wasn’t because they lost the game. It was that they never even PLAYED the game, in my humble opinion. Another famous quote “You gotta be in it, to win it” comes to mind. The Vikings weren’t in it at all. They left their warrior aka “vikings” spirit in the locker room. It didn’t matter that they lost the game when the clock ran out of time. They had already lost by not giving it everything they got. I say this with all due respect to the Vikings. I love the team and I get that we ALL have our off days. I know I’ve had auditions where I felt my performance was sub-par. The ones where the casting person says “Thanks for stopping by,” as if we just had a cup of tea, instead of engaging in a battle where my ego was left shattered in pieces in the audition room. So it’s not a question of whether you’re off on a given day. It’s KNOWING you’re off, and choosing what you do with that knowledge. As my wise teacher says, “When you’re OFF, don’t beat yourself up for it. Just get back ON.” Amen. (The Vikings will have to wait until next season to get back ON.)

       Speaking of winning versus losing, what about this year’s Super Bowl? What a game! My dad used to say he hated the Super Bowl because it was the most boring game of the year. One game determined EVERYTHING and he felt that the players were too cautious because they didn’t want to do anything that would possibly cost their team the victory. Not this year. I have never been on the edge of my seat for a Super Bowl as much as this one. It could have gone either way… both teams were playing their hearts out and both were certainly “in it to win it”. They fought hard, and kept fighting hard until the very end, when the Eagles ultimately came out on top. But what about that? The Eagles technically won, but as far as I’m concerned, they were both winners. (And that’s hard for me to say given that my parents are both from the Bronx and I don’t give props to Boston teams easily.) As long as you’re playing as hard as you can, to the best of your abilities, you’re winning on some level. As disappointing as it is when I don’t get that role I really wanted, as long as I know I did my best and there was nothing else I could’ve done, I feel powerful and comforted.

      On the other hand, I’m not advocating eliminating the notion of winning or losing. I laughed when a friend told me they give out trophies to all kids during competitions – win or lose. I get it to a degree, because it supports the notion of “it’s how you play the game”. But they’re forgetting the first part “it doesn’t matter whether you win or lose,” which clearly recognizes a winner versus a loser and the need to embrace whichever side you end up on.  There IS a winner and a loser, and acknowledging that and learning from it, is what makes us go out and try harder next time. Perhaps on a given day you may not “win” that role you so desperately wanted or be the victor in the championship game, but fighting is cumulative. The more you put up a good fight, the more the odds increase that you will win the next time. “The strongest people aren’t always the people who win, but the people who don’t give up when they lose.” Props to Ashley Hodgeson for those brilliant words of wisdom. Keep fighting everyone… win or lose!