Do I sound like a brat? Good. When it comes to desserts, that’s exactly who I wanna be. I know I’ve mentioned before that I simply don’t understand people who say, “I’m not really into sweets.” It’s like nails on a blackboard to my ears. (These people contort their faces in a pretentious kind of way when they utter these dreadful words, as if they’re soooo much better than me for not possessing a sweet tooth.) What part of the gene pool did these folks come out of, because I’m ready to eradicate it right now! Or perhaps they are all in denial, and need to visit their local psychiatrist. I admittedly judge people who make such statements out loud. (Keep it to yourselves, you haters!) In my opinion, dessert is what puts the finishing touch on any great meal. It is the quintessential “cherry on top”… literally. So when something is THAT good, why on earth would you want to share it with someone else?
Did you say you don’t wanna get fat and that’s why you skip dessert? Okay, even a dessert hoarder like me must acknowledge the validity of that response. Now more than ever, people are hyper aware of their appearances. Between social media and all the devices we have (selfie sticks, selfie ring lights, tripods, etc.) to help capture images of ourselves to then post on social media, it’s obvious we’re always checking one another out, whether online or in person. One must always look their “Sunday best”. So of course no one wants to eat that piece of Mississippi Mud Pie at the Cheesecake Factory and feel like a big old fattie on camera, do they? Well… I kind of do. I know I’ve been working on better eating habits, but a gal’s gotta treat herself every once in a while, right?
And that’s the point. If I decide I AM going to treat myself, why on earth would I want to let anyone else have even ONE bite of MY Godiva Chocolate Brownie Sundae? (I’m sounding like a terrible two again aren’t I?) As a hospitality worker, I was always trained to put down spoons for everyone at the table when someone orders dessert—even if it’s one person at a table of ten. The other nine people simultaneously bemoan, “Oh, I’m so full, I can’t eat another bite!” An evil laugh plays in my head as I listen to these LIARS. Because the minute the dessert hits the table, the poor person that actually ordered it barely gets to pick up his spoon before the other nine people have completely devoured it. That’s what I call a “closet dessert lover”… a person who pretends they’re not interested in dessert until they see it right in front of them. My motto is: “There’s an invisible compartment in your stomach that is available for dessert at all times.” And it’s TRUE. Say that to a table, and watch how many people order dessert!
All that said, nothing irks me more than when I go to a restaurant and order dessert, only to watch the server putting spoons down for everyone at the table. Hello??? Did I say I was SHARING my dessert? I was at the Cheesecake Factory when a server did this to me. The moment my dessert was put down in front of me, it was like everything went into slow motion. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my sister-in-law gradually reach for her spoon as my brother said in that warped-half-speed-voice, “Don’t do that, hon! She’s not sharing.” And just like that, time went back to normal speed. Thank you, bro! I’m NOT.
I will admit, there are times I share my dessert. Even a food lover like me doesn’t always have full capacity available in my invisible compartment for dessert. But it's MY choice. No one should ever expect me to offer a taste. And I promise, in return I will respect your right to privately relish your delightful goody. The bible says “Man does not live by bread alone,” nor should he live by a diet consisting of only Ho Hos and Ring Dings. Although on second thought, maybe if I COULD exist that way, I might be more willing to give everyone at the table a spoon. But when dessert is something I eat sporadically, I don’t feel like it needs to be a group endeavor. I know we’re taught as children to share, but when it comes to desserts, the pleasure is ALL MINE.