That’s the theme of today. It was a day that started out like most days on a cruise. You gear up for whatever tour you’re doing, meet your group and your guide and off you go! Only problem is, this tour just never got off the ground. Oh, we went places. Where, I couldn’t tell ya. But the motley crew of travelers along for the ride made this a day to remember.
We started in Portofino which is lovely to behold. The colors are just incredible and can’t be properly captured in a photograph. You’ll have to visit for yourself and see it with your own eyes. And oh, the dogs... so many dogs, including one who rolled over on her back in the middle of a bakery so I could scratch her belly! After Portofino, we hopped aboard a boat that was taking us to see the “Three Pearls”. The Three Pearls of what, you ask? How the hell should I know? My tour guide sure didn’t tell me, and I guess I’ll have to Google it to find out. To put it bluntly, our tour guide stunk like a bag of dirty laundry left all summer in the hot trunk of a car. Yeah, she was THAT bad. At one point a person asked our guide what the origin of the town was, and she replied, “I don’t understand the question.” I’m sure she didn’t. The feeling was mutual. Half the time I couldn’t understand what she was trying to say. After a while, it was just easier to tune her out and simply enjoy the pretty scenery.
When we stopped for lunch, they offered us some potato chips and croissants as a snack. WHAT??? If I want potato chips, I’ll just buy them at the Trade Fair down the street from my apartment in Astoria, Queens, thank you very much. During our “lunch” break (and I use that word loosely), I discovered that I was not the only one who felt our tour guide was the pits. The entire group unanimously thought we should cram ourselves onto one of the other tour busses and leave our guide in the dust.
As much as I can be opinionated (as we all know), on vacation I try to play it cool and not let things get me down. But hey, I was with a bunch of New Yorkers from Staten Island (one of whom was the "Can you be serious" shouter from Bingo), Brooklyn and Long Island and their energetic spirit really lit a fire under my you-know-what. I decided to confront our guide. I was diplomatic (seriously!), but I let her know my disappointment in the tour and how everyone joined in my sentiments but didn’t have the guts to say anything. Maybe it’s because I’m the child of two teachers, but I feel like it’s important to learn when you go somewhere new and at that point in the tour, I didn’t even know the name of the town I was in! Someone heard me talking to our guide and came over to back me up. When everyone found out what I had done, they were metaphorically high fiving me. Truth be told, I felt kinda bad, but the guide thanked me for telling her how I felt. Meanwhile my tour companions were planning a group stampede of the shore excursions desk to demand a refund!
As much as this sounds negative, it was actually the opposite. It brought a group of very different people together, who bonded over our lack of a tour and had fun with one another in spite of it. In fact, Frank and Angela from Staten Island want us all to meet in the “Martini Bar” later tonight so it could be an interesting evening if it all comes to pass.
However, complaining about what you want (or didn’t get) can be a double-edged sword. Speaking of which, I’ve been wondering why I haven’t had any towel animals in my cabin this trip. I admit that I look forward to coming home every night to see what towel animal will be sitting on my bed. It could be an elephant, a dog, a sting ray... anyone who’s cruised before knows what I’m talking about. On one cruise, I discovered a towel bat hanging from my ceiling and it was so amazing! When I asked my cabin steward tonight why there are no towel animals, he shamefully mumbled, “Oh, we used to do it, but now we don’t.” “Okay, but why?” I asked. "Well," he continued, "someone complained to corporate because the towel animal in their room bothered them." BOTHERED THEM? How? In what way? What could possibly be offensive about a towel animal??? Was it phallic? Inquiring minds want to know – or maybe it’s just MY inquiring mind.
I think the point I’m trying to make is perhaps complaining is like a pay-it-forward situation in reverse. Maybe my lack of towel animals is karmic retribution for letting my tour guide know exactly what I thought. Or maybe it’s the glass of wine I just drank. Or maybe I just need to eat some dinner. Perhaps I simply need to learn how make my own towel animals.
Ciao!
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