Sunday, July 21, 2013

Just Because You THINK You Don’t Smell, Doesn’t Mean You DON’T!

So it’s been a few weeks since my last entry. I’ve been caught up sending out press releases for my grandfather’s upcoming hearing. For those of you that have read my past blog entries, you’ve already heard about it. For those of you that haven’t, you can find information about his case here:

            After all the heaviness of my grandfather’s crisis, I thought it was time to shift mental gears and write something to lighten my mood. Thus, on one of the hottest weeks I can ever remember (though New Yorkers have short term memories when it comes to heat), I felt it appropriate to take a moment to talk about something that really irritates me… the dreaded B.O. It’s been talked about on shows like Seinfeld, where a valet left such a foul odor in Jerry’s car, he shockingly remarked to Elaine, “Nobody has B.O. like this! When somebody has B.O., the O usually stays with the B. Once the B leaves, the O goes with it.” I know what you mean, Jerry. These days, the ODOR does not always leave with the BODY…

            It astounds me just how many people smell like yesterday’s trash. Do they not understand the necessity of showering every day in this kind of heat? I personally shower twice—once at the beginning of the day and once at the end. What’s better than starting and ending your day fresh and clean? I got on the subway the other day at 10:00 a.m. and a person subsequently entered who stunk to high heaven. I was flabbergasted as I pondered how this could’ve happened. After all, it was the beginning of the day… how does someone already reek?

            Besides showering, what about anti-perspirant? And no, I’m not talking about deodorant. I’m talking about the sweat-blocking (some say toxic) antiperspirant. All the naysayers who claim, “I don’t really sweat,” or  “It’s bad for my skin,” or “It has aluminum in it,” are the same people who then swear their deodorant controls the smell. Guess what folks? It doesn’t. I spent years with artistic hippie types who thought their deodorant was doing the job. It wasn’t working then, and it’s not working now. You can tell me until you’re blue in the face that the deodorant eliminates any unpleasant aromas. The bottom line is if you’re sweating, then you’re stinking! And by “sweating,” I don’t mean the moderate amount of secretions we all have due to the sweltering temperatures. I’m referring to Olympic size pools of sweat under your armpits, the resulting stench of which could clear out a room. Only antiperspirant can keep that kind of fluid and resulting odor at bay. If you want to stick to your hippie ways, fine. Wait until it cools off a bit and go back to your deodorant then.

            And perhaps some of the noxious fumes are emanating from people’s garments. Even in this DEFCON-1-blistering hellfire, I’ve heard countless people remark, “I’ve already worn this three times.” Newsflash: WASH YOUR CLOTHES! Ivory Snow has been around since 1879 and it works wonderfully in the sink at rinsing out your sweat-infused wardrobe. And while you’re scrubbing away, why don’t you ask yourself what would possess you to wear your bacteria-saturated apparel more than once in the first place.
            Finally, what about perfume/cologne/body spray? I know there are non-toxic and completely natural perfumes on the market if you are opposed to chemically processed perfumes such as Alfred Sung (what I wear). Or how about some good old-fashioned talcum powder? Options are available to help our bodies counteract the unpleasant fragrance that comes with perspiration overload.

I do realize we all have some degree of odor due to this hellish weather. I really do. But when everyone on the train looks at one another to figure out who’s the perpetrator of the malodorous condition scorching their nose hairs, that’s when you know there’s a problem needing to be addressed.

            And what about me? How do I know I am not one of the smelly people I’m complaining about? Well, that’s a good point. I challenge anyone out there… go ahead and take a whiff of yours truly. And if I do, well, STINK, feel free to tell me so. I am happy to increase my current showers to three per day or whatever it takes to avoid any trace of “odeur de le pew.” That’s for French for “smelly girl,” or close to it anyway…