I am
suddenly aware it’s the second time this year I’ve used the F-bomb in the subject of a blog entry.
Oops. Sometimes the F-bomb is necessary
(sorry, mom). But I digress… Does anyone out there feel the way I do? Who,
besides me, hears voices in their head? No, I’m not talking about the
scary-creepy-schizophrenic kind, but the bossy, stressful voice continually
reminding you of all the things you need “TO DO?” Yeah, THAT voice.
I’ve always
been a hard worker. I was the geek in high school who woke up in the middle of
the night to study MORE for an exam I was probably already prepared for. (My
own parents had to tell me to stop working so hard.) A virtual “To Do” list was
something that was always running around my brain – kind of like the ticker
that runs around the building in Times Square telling us about the latest news
headlines.
While it’s
great to keep track of the tasks at hand, a perpetual ticker in my brain is NOT
so great. I’ve tried making physical lists and setting alarms on my calendar,
in an attempt to get that “To Do” list out of my head, but it doesn’t matter.
The ticker never shuts off. It spins around and around, and sometimes wakes me
up in the middle of the night. And as this ticker keeps spinning in my head, my
life is spinning by at the same time.
I was
talking to a friend the other day about an approaching deadline I have for my
writing – one that was self-imposed of course – and I was freaking out:
ME: “I have TO
DO it by December 31st.”
FRIEND: “Why?”
ME: “Because I
have to.”
FRIEND: “Why?”
ME: “Because I
just DO!”
Okay, is it me, or do I sound like a bratty eight-year old?
What the hell does “Because I have to” or “Because I just do” even mean? Where’s
the rationale or the logic? Answer: there is none.
I saw a
great indie flick this week called “Stuck In Love.” One of the characters, Samantha (played by Lily
Collins), is talking a mile a minute to a guy at a party about how she feels—about
how we all live life in fast forward, never stopping to be in the moment. Samantha comments, “We’re too busy rushing
through everything so we can get on with what we’re really supposed to be doing with our lives.” And she suddenly
realizes that life is happening RIGHT NOW and one day it will all be over, so
she’d better enjoy it while she can. For a moment, I felt like I was watching
myself on the screen. Oh Samantha, you GET me! (I guess I should give props to
the screenwriter, Josh Boone, too) I have expressed these exact sentiments
numerous times. Was someone trying to tell me something? Do I need to stop and enjoy the moment? If
only it were that easy! Isn’t it John Lennon who said “Life is what happens to
you while you’re busy making other plans?” Oh, what to do about those annoying
TO DO’s…
Nothing
like the last day of the year to make a resolution! In 2014, I am going to make
sure I am in the present moment at least once a day, and put that dreaded “To
Do” list away for a few minutes—hopefully longer. “To Do’s” are always
there—cross one off your list and another one will inevitably crop up in its
place. But when a moment passes you by, nothing crops up in its place. It’s
simply… gone.
But what about that self-imposed
December 31st writing deadline? Well you can’t totally teach an old
gal, new tricks. I will make the deadline, and do something, though it won’t be enough to completely cross it off my
list. “But you have TO DO it today,” says the Voice In My Head. Actually, I DON’T.
“Shut the f*** up,” I calmly reply. Right now, I have some moments I need to
enjoy!
Happy last day of the year,
everyone!!! Hope you all find some time to enjoy YOUR moments...
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