Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Nothing Like A Little Food Shopping To Make Me Want To Start A Food Fight!



                  Is it just me or do supermarkets make you want to howl like one of those babies in the shopping carts? Seriously, it’s awful. I’m usually the 555-TAKE-OUT girl, but it’s a New Year and although I rebuked New Year’s resolutions last week, I still feel that turning a new page is in order. Given my regimen of regular exercise and improved eating habits in 2017, I want to step it up a notch in 2018. What better way to do that than buy your own food… or so I thought. In hindsight, I may need to get another job and invest in Fresh Direct instead!

                  From the minute I walked in the door of Key Food, I was already annoyed. So many people… like, EVERYWHERE! And this wasn’t the day or even the day after the “big storm”. This was just a normal afternoon. Wherever I moved, someone was right there. It was like an obstacle course, as I narrowly avoided someone’s shopping cart or backpack from inadvertently hitting me. As I tried to select my vegetables for a salad, I’d bump into someone again who was trying to grab the same tomato as me. Back off, pal. That juicy beefsteak is MINE! And then I’m trying to concentrate on what else I need to buy while being disturbed by some guy talking about how he had to wait to get approved for something. Approved for what? A credit card? Or was it a brain transplant because hey, buddy, WE CAN ALL HEAR YOU ON THE PHONE! Maybe you don’t want to broadcast the details of your personal life in the middle of the produce section, which is a note to all of us—especially me—to be careful what you say in public. Our ears can hear you, whether we want to or not.

I think in horror if I had instead gone to the Trade Fair. Oh, Trade Fair. Never heard of it? We Queens residents know it well. There’s a special place in hell for the people that designed this food store. Their website claims to have a “giant selection of food and products”. I guess they’re so busy packing that giant selection into the store that they barely left room for shoppers to get down the compacted aisles. I feel like a mouse in one of those mazes as I make my way through the store, just hoping I’ll eventually find my way to the cashier (which is the human version of the piece of cheese the mouse so desperately wants). Speaking of the cashier, why do some of them act like they’re moving in slow motion instead of picking up the pace so we can escape from this torture chamber? Let’s move things along, everyone. Or better yet, install a self-service checkout!

                  And nothing seems to be organized in these places. In the Trade Fair, I’ll find cereal in one aisle and then wait! There’s another aisle that has “International Foods”. Oh, that’s where my Kashi Organic Island Vanilla whole wheat biscuits baked with sweet vanilla is hiding. Seriously??? Get it together guys. No, really. GET IT TOGETHER. All cereal should be grouped in ONE PLACE. It makes sense. But then, I’ve already proven that supermarkets don’t make sense. I mean, why does Cracker Barrel need to be put in a completely different area of the store than the other cheeses? Is it not classy enough to be with my BelGioioso American Grana Extra Aged Parmesan Cheese? (I guess that does sound a bit sexier than Cracker Barrel.) But still… can’t you keep the cheeses in the same place and let us shoppers decide which is the sexiest cheese to place in our shopping carts? Oh, the agony! But what can you expect from a store that puts kitty litter right next to the soap. That’s just gross.
                 

                  Seriously, my hat is off to all you cooks out there who brave these establishments in search of your items to make that glorious meal that I will happily eat when I come to your house with a bottle of wine in one hand and a dessert in the other. Keep shopping (and cooking) on my behalf. Lord knows I don’t like doing either. And yes I know what I just said about coming over your house for dinner with dessert in hand. It may be indulgent for someone who’s trying to focus on better eating habits, but a girl’s gotta treat herself every once in a while. Bon appetit!

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