Actors are
trained to be in the moment at all times. And yes, that’s as hard as it sounds.
Try putting your attention on another person and being open to how they make
you feel. Sometimes I want to run screaming like a banshee from the stage if I
don’t like (or understand) what I see! But on the other hand, there is
something so beautiful in connecting with another soul and expressing how they
make you feel in that moment. And trust me, the moment will change in five
seconds and you’ll feel something else. That’s what being present really is.
Being open to moments as they happen and recognizing it can all turn on a dime.
I’ve
learned all too well that what is the primary focus for me as an actor, is
often missing from my “real” life. In real life, people are anything BUT in the
moment. Half the time, I’m not even sure if I’m on planet Earth. Well maybe my
body is on Earth, but my mind (and my heart)… ugh, that’s a different story. I
find too often that my mind is wandering off to parts unknown. Sometimes it
goes to Worryville—the land where I WILL figure it out if I just keep thinking
about it some more. Other days it goes to Fantasyland—well you can imagine what
goes on there. I’m an accomplished writer walking the red carpet with my dream
man at my side about to win some kind of award (Which one? Who cares? I’m
WINNING something, okay?). Still at other
times I’m in the land of Desperation—where I don’t think anything will ever
work out for me. (Thankfully being the eternal optimist I am, I don’t visit
there very often.) The bottom line is that I’m just not “in the moment” often
enough.
But that
all changed for a day… a wonderful and magical day last weekend. I did a
reading of my play, Elephants and Other
Worldly Dilemmas, for a small group of invited guests and I really felt
THERE. Like seriously THERE. Meaning I was present
for the entire day. Ummm… that NEVER
happens to me (as I’ve already stated). And particularly when I’m at the helm
of anything artistic, it’s even harder for me to stay present to what’s going
on. I’m generally all over the place, worrying about what has to happen when,
and stressing about what could go wrong if things don’t happen when they’re
supposed to. I often look back afterwards and everything is a whirlwind… a blur.
I can’t really remember anything clearly. But on this remarkable day, I felt
everything. Experienced everything. And LOVED all of it. And almost a week
later, I still REMEMBER how amazing it felt. No blurs for me this time.
Besides
writing the piece, I am also in it, so that day I had to take on the function
of writer, director, producer and actor. And it felt surprisingly okay. I was
surrounded by gifted actors who are as generous as they are loving. The
audience was made up of friends, clients (their human counterparts since my
beloved fur babies wouldn’t really appreciate my show) and classmates… I felt
so much love in that room. Maybe it was just my interpretation, being the warm
and fuzzy gal that I am, but even if it was, I still felt it. For someone like me, who’s always trying to run in a
million different directions simultaneously, to truly be only in one place at
one time felt so freeing. And I never wanted it to end.
And I can’t
help but think that being present made everything go smoother, and the bumps
that inevitably happened along the way seemed easier to deal with. Actors and
audience members were late, snafus occurred during the show, people who I
thought were coming didn’t, but I let it all roll off my back. I sat in the
audience during the first half of the show and I actually ENJOYED myself. I
don’t mean that in a gross, self-indulgent way. What I’m trying to say is that
I enjoyed being in the audience, sitting next to two of my friends and taking
in what was going on in front of me and feeling so damn proud of my actors. And
then when it came time for me to take the stage, it felt equally joyful.
Whether or not my performance was the best it could’ve been, I don’t know. And
quite frankly, I don’t care. I had fun, and I felt blessed to be working with
two wonderful actors who I respect and admire greatly.
Having such
a… dare I say it, PERFECT day made me start wondering about the word “present”.
It literally means something which is occurring now. But the word “present” also
signifies a gift… something we give to someone. Well last weekend, I think my
experience incorporated both definitions. Because being in the present is the
best gift anyone could give me. And this time, I plan on keeping it!
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