I value
good service… I really do. My parents instilled in me the value of having a
strong work ethic and taking pride in a job well done—whatever that job may be.
I’ve always believed we are not put on this earth to be lazy. After all, my
father had a Masters in Education and taught school full time, yet he still
managed to work a night and weekend job through most of my childhood. So
suffice it to say, I don’t have a lot of tolerance for slackers. People who say,
“Oh, I’ll work hard when it’s something I actually care about,” annoy me. Whether
you care or not, if you made a commitment to do something, then do it, do it well, and work hard while
you are doing it. Period.
So while I
applaud quality and effort, I give a major thumbs down to blatant misnomers. Are we so far removed as a society that we
refuse to call a spade… well, a spade?
I was recently standing on line at the bank, and the teller actually said, “Can
I help the following guest on line?” Seriously? I looked around, wondering who
on earth she could be talking to. When I turned back, she was still staring at
me, waiting for me to step up to the window. I guess she was serious. I walked over to the teller, and had one of those
moments I often have where what I’m thinking comes straight out of my mouth. I
said to her, “No offense to you, but I am not your guest. I know it’s what
you’ve been told to say, and it’s not your fault, but I am handing you money to
deposit in my account. That makes me your customer,
not your guest.” She looked at me and said, “I totally hear ya.” Was that subtext
for, “I hate saying it as much as you hate hearing it?” Or was it was her polite
way of saying “F*** off?” Probably the latter, but I didn’t stick around to
find out.
As I drove
away, I thought about all the places that have jumped on the guest
bandwagon—the Gap, CVS, Staples (insert any major retail chain)—and how it
absolutely infuriates me. But let’s take a moment to clarify what the word “guest”
actually means. According to dictionary.com, the following definitions are
listed: “a person who receives the hospitality of a club, the city or the
like,” and “a person who patronizes a hotel, restaurant, etc., for the lodging,
food or entertainment it provides.” Excuse me, but I did somehow miss the big musical
number with singing and tap dancing that they were doing over by the ATM machines
at my bank? Or maybe there was a wine tasting I didn’t notice by the women’s
dressing rooms of my clothing store. I just don’t get where the entertainment
or the hospitality is entering into the picture.
The bottom
line is I’m giving you money and you’re handing me a box of pens. Unless
there’s a dirty martini being handed to me with my package (now that’s what I
call a gift with purchase), I don’t see the hospitality. It’s just a simple
business transaction between a cashier and a customer. The cashier could be the most lovely, hard working person
in the world, but no matter how you slice it, I’m still just… well, a spade.
Clearly
they (whoever “they” are) have done research… some kind of study where they
have determined calling people guests makes people feel regarded. More likely,
they determined it makes us, the consumer, spend more money! Wherever the truth
lies, all it does is make me uncomfortable and edgy. When I’m eating dinner and
you bring me that fourth glass of wine I have no business drinking, you go
right ahead and call me a guest. The same goes for when you leave that mint on
my pillow after you make my bed and I’m lounging by the hotel pool. Otherwise,
just call me a customer and let me be on my way, with my pretty pink bag full
of $5 for $25 panties from my favorite lingerie shop.
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