They say everything is all about
perspective… heck, I say it all the time! But sometimes I wonder if I say it
because I’m attempting to justify behaviors for which others are criticizing me. I mean, is the old adage “You say to-MAY-to,
I say to-MAH-to” just an excuse to do whatever the hell we want?
My friend has recently been staying
with me, and has pointed out on numerous occasions that I am a hoarder. WHAT???
The first time he said it, I was in shock. Aren’t hoarders people that collect
phone books, used tires, broken mason jars and are eventually found dead
amongst their piles of junk? (Take a look at the infamous Collyer brothers if
you don’t believe me: http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/collyer-brothers-brownstone-gallery-1.1187698
As for me, I certainly like to
collect my fair share of tchotchkes (non-Jews will probably use the term
knick-knacks). I admittedly have a collection of shot glasses filled with sand
from whatever beach is indicated on the glass. I personally think it’s cool:
And it’s arranged neatly on a bookshelf with photos of my
loved ones. What’s wrong with that? Don’t ask my friend. He thinks it’s insane.
He also
complains about my apparent massive collection of pots and pans. Ummm… excuse
me, but don’t you use your oven as storage for YOUR pots and pans? Isn’t that a
thing? And given that my kitchen is ONE WALL of my living room, I don’t have
the kind of space that someone with an eat-in kitchen would have. But I think
this looks fairly presentable:
(And for any of you Negative Nancies out there, I did NOT
clean before I took either of those photographs.) Next he says that I never
cook, so why would I need all those pots and pans? I tell him that I WILL move
into a bigger place someday where I will have adequate cabinets to replace my
oven as a storage space. Truth be told, other
than breakfast, I kind of hate cooking, but that doesn’t mean I can’t invite
someone over to use my things and cook for
me! Someone must have a burning desire to use my Krups food processor, don’t
they? (Please let me know if you do… I will supply food.)
Then there’s my closet… I kind of
have three. I have an armoire as well as a deep closet that has a double rod
for maximum hanging potential. My friend Jilleyn once helped me organize my
clothes and had two piles—one designated for Clothes-To-Keep, and the other
designated for the trash a.k.a. How-The-Hell-Could-You-Wear-That clothes. In
fact, she pulled out one shirt, held it up and commented, “Weren’t you wearing
this in a photo with my husband in the 1990s?”
Hmmm… maybe I do need to get rid of
some of my garments. I have adult friends who were children in the 90s, after
all. Might be time to move on. But as far as my UNDERgarments go, I stand
strong in my belief that you can never EVER have enough underwear. I am a
Victoria’s Secret gal through and through and if I want to change my panties three
times a day just because I can, then why shouldn’t I? “Oh, I feel like wearing
my I Heart Dogs undies… hmmm… let me pull those out of my drawer and try them on.”
Doesn’t that sound fun? And if they all fit in my dresser (okay I have to
really shove the drawer closed right after I do my laundry) then who the hell
is he to say how many is TOO MANY?
Of course I saved the discussion of
my beloved books for last. NO ONE and I mean NO ONE f *cks with my precious
books. Yeah, we live in the age of the Kindle and the e-reader, and I certainly
own one and am more than happy to use it on vacation where I can store multiple
books and not carry a brick’s worth of physical books in my suitcase. That said, there is NOTHING like the feel of a
real book. Some books are just beloved treasures that you want to hold onto
forever—and I don’t mean stored on some electronic device. You want the ACTUAL
book and you want to SEE it on your shelf. I have more than one copy of “Pride
and Prejudice” by Jane Austen—my favorite book of all time and the entire set
of Harry Potter books. Looking at them makes me smile at the memory of reading
them for the first time:
Does that look messy to you? Me either. Okay, I confess I
recently bought a book my acting teacher recommended about how to read plays.
Well, my friend comes over to me and shows me the EXACT SAME BOOK already on my
shelf. Oops, I guess I bought it twice. Maybe there is some room for
improvement in my book buying compulsion. Or maybe it just means that the
universe REALLY wants me to read the book!
I was reading an article where it
said hoarding is when you can’t use the room in question for its intended
purpose and you avoid having people over because you’re uncomfortable showing them
how you live. Neither is true for me. I always have plenty of visible walking
space AND I not only invite visitors over, they come to live with me when they
are temporarily homeless (case in point with my current friend). My friend
refers to my apartment as crowded, but many others have called my home “cozy”.
But the friend in question fits everything he owns in one backpack, so perhaps
I need to take what he says with a grain of salt. (Or perhaps I just need to show this friend the door and remind him not to let it hit him in the you-know-what on his way out!)
The bottom line is, don’t look out for
me on an episode of “Hoarding: Buried Alive” on TLC anytime soon. This gal is
strictly a pack rat and proud to be one!
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