So says Linda Belcher on the
animated show “Bob’s Burgers.” It was literally music to my ears when I heard
Linda utter those words. It’s good to know I am not alone in my thinking… even
if my science soul sister is a cartoon character. I simply can’t remember a
time when I ever pondered the mystery of HOW something works. I flip a switch
on the wall and PRESTO! I have light. You think I care how electricity is made?
Nope. Didn’t Benjamin Franklin stand in the rain with a kite waiting for
lightning to strike him so he could prove electricity existed? That would never
be me. I hate the rain, and you’ll certainly never catch me outside in a storm if
there’s a possibility of getting electrocuted. No, thank you.
Science is something that has
always made me run screaming for the hills. I can’t even remember one science
experiment I did in school other than the one where you put a battery and a light
bulb on a wooden board to create a circuit. (It’s ironic I remembered that project, since I’ve already
established I don’t give a hoot about how electricity is generated.) Science
was so lackluster a subject for me that I don’t remember any of my teachers
other than my Biology teacher, who was even shorter than me. I didn’t like her
and neither did anyone else, evidenced by the little plastic army men scattered
along the ceiling who were holding guns pointed directly at her desk (and her head).
Even when I took Physical Science aka Earth Science, I was a lost cause. This
was the class most people referred to as “silly science”. There was nothing
“silly” about it for me. I had about as much of a chance of understanding ocean tides as I did of climbing Mt. Everest. (Thus far, I’ve
only managed to climb Mt. Olympus in Greece.)
By the time Chemistry rolled around,
I had officially given up on science. As they say in Monopoly, I passed go, and
immediately sat my butt down in study hall, while the rest of my classmates
played with their periodic tables and Bunsen burners. No way Chemistry was
going to ruin my A+ average and mess up my college applications! Sometimes when
friends commiserate over their high school/college Chemistry classes, I feel a slight
twinge of sadness and regret but it passes quickly. Screw that! Sounds like I
dodged a bullet!
As I’ve gotten older, my inability
to understand science has not changed. Just the other night, someone was
explaining to me how air conditioners worked. I thought it was by ADDING cold
air into the room. Silly me. It apparently REMOVES heat from the room instead.
How does that happen exactly? Don’t care. I’m the science dummy, remember? Then
there is the issue with my thermos. I’ve had it for two years and it has faithfully
kept my coffee super hot in the morning. It’s been delightful. But I’ve noticed
recently it wasn’t doing the job so well anymore. I looked up online what could
be causing my thermos to lose heat. Maybe, perchance, even someone like me
could perform a quick fix and get it to work again. Well, the minute the website started
talking about vacuum seals and insulation the game was over, and I was
instantly on Amazon looking for a replacement product. Why try to understand
why my thermos was broken when I can just throw it in the garbage and get a new
one for $24.99?
The kicker was when I asked my friend yesterday about dogs
and cats for my Instagram page Dogtalesnyc. I wanted to know if by calling dogs
and cats different “species” I was using the correct terminology. His text response
was: “Dogs and cats are both
animals, mammalian, and carnivores, but differ in family, genus, and species.
Domestic dogs are canus familiaris and domestic cats are felus catus.” When I
pointed out that even humans are animals, he stated: “Correct. I was just going
through the different branches of taxonomy.” Ummm… okay, I don’t think I asked
for all that. And I KNOW I didn’t understand any of it. But I’m pretty sure
somewhere in there he said that dogs and cats ARE different species.
I’ve come to accept that science is
beyond the scope of my understanding. Kudos to my friends who work in the
scientific field and DO get it. I’m comfortable trusting in others to provide
me with any science information I may need. Yeah, fat chance. I’m reminded of
one of my favorite scenes from the film “Baby Boom” where Diane Keaton’s
character lives in small-town Vermont and has a complete meltdown upon
discovering she has no water. When the repairman tries to explain to her why
it’s not working, she exclaims in desperation: “I just want to turn on
the faucets and have water. I don’t want
to know where it’s coming from!!!” Amen, Diane!
No comments:
Post a Comment