I still
remember those words, uttered by my then boss and current friend John so many
years ago. It was his attempt to comfort me, as I freaked out about something
work related prior to my vacation. What was I freaking out about? Who knows?
Like most freak-outs, they seem totally legit at the time and then we feel
humiliated literally minutes later as
we calm down and realize what an ass we just made of ourselves. However, John
was totally in support of my outburst. He attested that every good trip is preceded by some sort of meltdown. And believe
it or not, I have found this to be true with every vacation I’ve taken. There’s
always something that causes me to break down in the days leading up to a big
trip. (Many times it involves nightmares about flying. Thank God for Xanax.)
Now, as I’m days away from embarking on my two week European holiday, the
question is… when is my “pre-trip freak-out” going to occur???
Whether
this freak-out will take place or not, there are certainly interesting
behaviors I’m noticing as I prepare for my journey. Shopping. Why all of a
sudden do I HAVE to go shopping? I have a double rod closet, an armoire AND two
dressers full of clothes. Sure, some of my garments date back to when Steve
Perry was still in Journey, but come on! I have PLENTY of clothes suitable for
any occasion. And it’s not only outer garments I’ve been seeking. I felt compelled to visit my beloved
Victoria’s Secret. Truthfully, I’ve been publicly reaching into my shirt to not-so-discreetly
pull up my bra straps for months, but why does it take a vacation for me to
finally remedy the situation? (The fact that they were giving away a free rose
gold tote bag with the purchase of two regularly priced bras had NOTHING to do
with it, I swear!)
Then there
was the dilemma with my suitcase. This is a long vacation and I wanted to make
sure I could take everything I need...
and by that I mean MORE than I need. My green expandable Samsonite suitcase was
twenty years old and had clearly seen better days. I thought maybe it was time
for an upgrade. Little did I know how involved that upgrade was going to be. It
was more dramatic than a death scene on a soap opera. Can anyone envision a 25”
vs. a 28” vs. a 33” suitcase? I can’t. Even with a tape measure. So, why buy
ONE suitcase when you can order THREE different suitcases in THREE different
sizes online from Macy’s? (It’s free shipping and returns, after all.) Suffice it to say the 33” suitcase could
have fit me inside of it. Twice. And then, when I finally thought I settled on
the 28” suitcase, in swoops my mother to tell me to meet her at T.J. Maxx for a
luggage sale. Oh the humanity! MORE SUITCASES!!! When all the shopping dust had
cleared, I ended up with two
suitcases that I probably don’t need and have justified these purchases by
telling myself one of them was reduced from $340 to $40 so how could I return
it? Uy.
Now that I
have my choice of suitcases, I need to start thinking about packing. I always admired
my friend’s philosophy: “I just throw some shit in a bag and hope it all works
out.” I’d love to be that free and easy. But free and easy just isn’t in my
nature. No, I have a packing list in
an Excel spreadsheet organized by category.
You know those people who get somewhere and say, “Damn, I forgot to pack
xxx.” They’re always relieved when I
turn to them with a big grin and say, “Don’t worry. I brought it. You can
borrow some of mine.” Call me anal (I prefer meticulous) but either way it
comes in handy to have me around on a trip if you forgot to pack your SPF 40
sun tan lotion!
I’m still
wondering when and IF this pre-trip freak-out is going to occur. I just worked
the last thirteen days in a row with no day off so I am beyond exhausted. And
when we are tired, we tend to get… well, emotional. It’s the perfect breeding
ground for me to lose my shit. So far, nothing has happened, but I still have
five more days. Am I going to blow a gasket in the waiter station at work, and
bitch at the person who forgot to fill up the ketchup as part of their sidework?
Or will I instead tell a guest what I REALLY think of how gross it is to reach
a spoon into someone else’s dessert without asking first? (A cardinal sin in my
book.) Stay tuned, ladies and gentlemen, and I apologize in advance to whoever
is on the receiving end of my emotional frenzy. Bon voyage!
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